Je Joue Uma review: rumbly mid-sized vibrator

The Je Joue Uma tapers down gradually towards the handle and back out, making it very ergonomic.

On paper, the Je Joue Uma looks like everything I’m looking for. In practice, it initially confused me into questioning what I really like. My overall sentiment about this toy is “It takes getting used to.”

It’s amazing internally, thanks to the deep, rumbling vibrations, but the shape isn’t ideal for my G-spot. I wouldn’t recommend it as a first sex toy at all– more like a third or fourth after you’ve already played with other G-spot toys and vibrators, and know what your G-spot and clit like.

The Je Joue Uma has many hallmarks of a versatile toy. It has a bulging, gentle curve that can hit internal erogenous zones but won’t snag on my pubic bone. At 1 3/8″, it’s filling but comfortable for everyday use. It has range and rumble: 6 speeds and 6 patterns, including that elusive low-frequency purr.

External vibration sensation

My own experience

If the We-Vibe Tango‘s “jump” when set against a hard surface is comparable to the soundJe Joue Uma diagonal view of firecrackers, the Je Joue Uma’s jumping sound reminds me of something between those firecrackers and a powerful sewing machine.

The vibrations frustrated and confused me at first. Uma is rumbly and low, but for clitoral use the first few times, it took me longer to orgasm and less intensely so than with comparatively surface-level vibes. There were even sessions where I laid there clenching my entire lower body, trying to squeeze an orgasm out, but it just wasn’t happening. Turned the speed up, up… oh. That was it. A feebly fleeting orgasm.

I nevertheless kept using it. Over time, the time discrepancy diminished and my body became acclimated to the Je Joue Uma’s vibrations. The orgasms got better and don’t take as long anymore, but are still enjoyably different and last longer.

Another reviewer’s experience

It was befuddling to me, a supposed clitoral lightweight, that a rumblier vibe would take me longer. That is, until I read Emmeline Peaches’ reviews of Je Joue’s Uma and Mimi. In her review of the Je Joue Uma, Emmeline wrote:

They have the same flittering, pulsating rhythm to them which I’ve never felt outside of the Je Joue line. These vibrations seem to combine deep, rolling pulsations (which have a rumbly feel to them) with gentler, rapid-fire quivers (which have a bit more buzz to them),

And in her Je Joue Mimi review, she elaborated:

Because these vibrations are so different to what I’m used to it can take longer to orgasm with the Mimi Soft but I definitely enjoy the journey. It’s like my clit is getting pampered and teased by the quivering chorus of the Mimi Soft’s vibrations.

This pretty much echoes what I thought at first. So there you have it: Je Joue has a signature of vibration that might not resonate with everyone. It might poorly resonate with your clit, or your clit might actually like the uniqueness. I was somewhere in between, where I came to like it over time.

Internal vibration sensation

Despite my feelings about the Uma’s external sensation, the throbbing pulselike quality is what makes this toy shine for internal use. The low pitch and high rumble are, of course, great on the lower steady settings. When combined with the patterns, it further exaggerates the throbbing sensation. The downside: I stay away from the faster settings because they do get buzzy and pinchy.

Shape is generally paramount to me in an insertable vibrator and vibrations secondary. This doesn’t apply to the Je Joue Uma. In the time it took to hold down the “on”/+ button, I went from “Fuck, I just wasted $80 when I could’ve bought a really nice dildo” to “HOLY SHIT.” Vibrations, something I used to think were pleasant but not necessary, actually make this toy and they’re worth every penny here.

Where the shape makes it harder to aim at my G-spot, the vibrations’ amplitude makes up for the lack of precision. The vibrations are fabulous, but the shape is frustrating.

Shape and design

Je Joue Uma's taper is gradual

To find my G-spot with the Uma without vibrations, I have to pull and let the hump drag on the way out. It’s more of a stationary inching toy than a thrusting one. It was counterintuitive to me, took more effort, and demanded that I undo what I thought I knew about using G-spot toys.

It’s fine for my anterior fornix, but I’m used to G-spot toys with voluptuously rounded and girthy bulbous heads that lock into place behind my pubic bone. Such shapes immediately press into the right spot. On the other end of the spectrum, gently curved G-spot toys without girth changes are also easy to thrust.

The Uma’s bulging head is an awkward in-between where its petite girth takes more effort to aim. After the bulge’s max girth, the neck slopes and tapers to a very narrow 3/4 of an inch. As such, my vagina has a tendency to “suck” in the toy so that the shallowest, tightest section of my vagina can wrap around the narrowest part of the neck. The girthiest part then rests way deeper in my vagina than where my G-spot is.

For comparison, with the Laid D1, the relatively uniform girth lends itself better to thrusting, while the comparatively squared head puts more pressure closer to my pubic bone. If I try to tilt the Uma back and thrust, the pressure gets aimed too far past my pubic bone to really do anything pleasurable.

Recommendations

I see people recommending this toy as a versatile vibe and being great for beginners, and I completely disagree. Between the difficult shape and the unique vibrations, beginners shouldn’t start with a toy with this many caveats. Another gripe I have about the Je Joue Uma is how rigid and hard to press the buttons are. If you have, say, carpal tunnel or arthritis, or your hand is slick, it could get in the way.

The Je Joue Uma is definitely for someone who is already BFF with their G-spot, has tried out other vibes, and wants something new and unique to invest in.

Previously, it was usually the shape that made me fall in love with other toys. I didn’t see the sense in paying extra for a luxury motor until trying the Je Joue Uma. The vibrations make the penetration sensation that much richer; Je Joue has successfully converted me.

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  1. January 11, 2016

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