3 ways I’ve changed since starting my blog (sex blogging superhero, but not sexpert)
Let me re-introduce myself: I’m Cy of Super Smash Cache. My blog’s #56 rank on Kinkly’s Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2016 list seemed to pop out of nowhere, when I was already starting to take a break. Despite the 1-year hiatus, I haven’t stopped learning about sex (or sex blogging), and I don’t think I ever will.
Never stop learning. My biggest mental block against starting my blog again was the fear that I’d look back on my old posts and cringe. Nowadays, I’d be more concerned if nothing my past self wrote made me cringe. If I cringe, it’s because I learned something new. Even Epiphora, sex blogger extraordinaire of 10 years, had to start somewhere and evolve.
So how much have I really changed since 2015, the start of my blog?
1 I like even bigger toys and fisting.
Huge insertions were something I had always found hot, but assumed wasn’t for me to actually do. After all, I was sore and bruised after my first time using a dildo with 2″ max diameter.1 I gradually learned to relax and take bigger and more rigid objects for a while, but the distinct point where I changed my mind about fisting was when I got fingered with three fingers for the first time. All I could think afterward was, “Oh my gosh! Why didn’t I try it sooner? I’ve been missing out!”
As well, listening to Bex’s first experience of being fisted made it seem more real. The first person narrative framed it as an actual possibility for me to experience, instead of observing from the third person. Once I found someone I trusted to do it with me, the rest was history.
2 I value my sex blogging time more.
“You get free sex toys for blogging? That sounds amazing!” That’s a major oversimplification. For one, writing is labor. A good sex toy review might take 8 hours of work total. If I worked the same amount of time at one of my jobs, I’d make more money than or as much the toy is worth. It’s not free; it’s compensation for work.
Second, I’d be sending the affiliates/sponsors traffic through my blog links and helping them make money. If I wasn’t getting a toy or commission out of it, they would pay me for ad space on my blog. A toy for a blog post isn’t free; it’s a two-way street and more accurately called a trade.
I burned out in my first year because I felt lukewarm about many of the products I reviewed. When I appreciate the major time commitment of writing a blog post, I’m more apt to say “no” if it’s not a “fuck yes!”
3 I understand that I don’t have to justify myself to people.
I don’t often porn. I refuse to take hormonal birth control. 2 I can come via breathing and clenching. I prefer to come via pressure on my cervix and cul-de-sac, so I care more about length than girth. I usually come way faster than my partner. I don’t love the Hitachi (yeah, I went there).
I’m more than aware that I’m an outlier. At one point, I couldn’t resist arguing with internet strangers and justifying the validity of my orgasms and preferences. The subtext of their view was that they knew my experiences better than I did, and while that’s just plain wrong, I don’t have to engage with it. Further, the time spent arguing would be better spent sharing information with those who are a.) built similarly to me, or b.) looking to learn something from others’ differences.
What stayed the same?
“The G-spot” is just a slang term for a specific region of the internal clitoris, and I refuse to go into the semantics of calling it a “spot” more than I already have.
The A-spot, the posterior fornix, and the cervix are all part of what I consider the most underrated erogenous area. Clench, cum, repeat; it’s my ultimate switch for mind-bending orgasms that turn me into a puddle of heart-eyes emojis.
“But doesn’t it hurt you when something is near your cervix?” Not necessarily. For the most part, things slide really easily behind my cervix, so that’s just not a factor unless something rams it right away.
It’s also not a masochistic kink— it actually feels good to me. I understand that for many people with vaginas, a penis against the cervix hurts, but that doesn’t mean that fingers or a thin toy stimulating the surrounding area are totally off the table.
In fact, I love the cervix so much that it’s now part of my sex blogging tagline.
I can’t think of a better niche for my blog than a.) reviews of toys that stimulate my cul-de-sac and cervix, or b.) sexy stories involving orgasms from cervical stimulation. That’s the one thing I can say for certain about the future of my blog.