Review sampler: Jopen Comet Wand, Kinklab Neon Wand, Jollies Jollet, MyStim Sizzling Simon
2014 was the year of my sexual awakening. It was the year of:
- my first time trying a vibrator
- my first orgasm from breathing and clenching alone
- refining my cervical orgasms
- my first time trying electrical stimulation
- having a consistent, long-term friend with benefits for the first time
Not coincidentally, it was the year my sex toy collection seriously started expanding. It wouldn’t have been an exaggeration to say that by the end of 2014, I had a little over $1,000 worth of sex toys. And when you have that many sex toys, it’s natural to develop picky preferences and have favorites.
What about now, 4 years later? Did the toys I loved in 2014 stand the test of time?
- Jopen Comet Wand
- Kinklab Neon Wand + Power Tripper attachment
- Jollies Jollet by LuzArte (formerly Chavez Dezignz and Jollies)
- MyStim Sizzling Simon
1 Jopen Comet Wand
This vibrator will bash your G-spot so hard, you won’t give three fucks about four fucks. Imagine the njoy Pure Wand‘s big end in vibrator form, and that’s basically the Jopen Comet Wand. The key difference, however, is that it’s made of hard plastic and silicone, making it more lightweight.1 Because of its materials, it’s also about $20 less.
It’s one of the absolute most direct G-spot toys you can get, especially for this price. The bulbous head is of moderate girth on an abruptly narrowed, steeply C-curved neck and shaft. It was effortless to stick in the Comet Wand and feel the bulb thrust against my G-spot with the slightest pushing on the handle. Every jiggle and twist drives me wild.
If your G-spot is a little past your pubic bone (which is the case with most vaginas), your G-spot deserves to have the Jopen Comet Wand (or the njoy Pure Wand) annihilate it. It’s not a toy for the faint of vagina.
A must-have if you’re trying to squirt
The shape is intense enough, but the vibrations are also extremely powerful. Buzzy, but powerful, and definitely enough to get me to the threshold of squirting2 on the one steady setting it has and the rapid pulsing setting.
How do I feel about the Jopen Comet Wand now?
I wouldn’t tolerate how loud the vibrations are
The Jopen Comet Wand is worth every penny for its G-spot pounding. If you’re looking for a very direct G-spot dildo, I still recommend it even if you never turn on the vibrations. Especially if you never turn on the vibrations. They’re just so buzzy and loud that they’re more there for “oomph” than as an essential feature.
It’s very specific and direct
I ended up giving the Comet Wand to a sex-positive friend. While it was an essential part of my sexual self-exploration at age 19, I’ve since found G-spot toys I like better. The njoy Eleven and Vixen Creations Randy, for example, might be less direct on my G-spot, but they’re girthier and fill me up intensely.
2 KinkLab Neon Wand + Power Tripper
Electrify your body!
Imagine that every time you got close to someone, they’d literally feel a spark. Literally. This is a reality with the Neon Wand and Power Tripper attachment. The attachment plugs into the wand on one end and tucks into your bra or waistband on the other, and that’s when the magic happens: you can shock people with any part of your body.
It can feel like a slight tingle with surfaces like the pads of your fingers, or focused like tattoo needles if you use your fingertips or tongue, or better yet, a metal implement. Forks, tweezers, and Wartenberg wheels are all ways to intensify the electric feel.
My favorite for torturing people has to be a metallic cheer pom-pom, though. Think about it: the strands are randomly aligned, so the person receiving the sensation doesn’t know exactly where the next shock will be.
Fun at vanilla parties as Pikachu for Halloween
That’s right: I didn’t just dress like Pikachu, but I also had the capacity to shock people like Pikachu at Halloween parties. People gathered around me to have their turn playing with me, even though it was in a totally non-sexual context.
I could also hold hands with people and, as long as we maintained physical contact, they could shock people too.3 We continued with a chain of people until it seemed relatively innocuous to someone just arriving: a person quite far away from me could shock others.
The Neon Wand is marketed as an erotic fetish device, but don’t let that limit your imagination! It’s fun for non-sexual play, too.
How do I feel about the KinkLab Neon Wand now?
I wish I still had it! A friend borrowed it a few years back and I never saw it again. If my boyfriend lived nearby, I might consider buying another one. However, since he’s long-distance and I don’t go to parties as often as I used to, the Neon Wand isn’t a priority… even if I often do get nostalgic thinking about being Pikachu for a day.
3 Jollies Jollet by LuzArte
Damn near perfect dildo for simultaneous G-spot and cervix stimulation
Shape and features of the Jollies Jollet
Legend has it that the Jollies Jollet was cast from the inside of a vagina, that they who wield this mighty dildo will have their orifice filled perfectly with rigid pressure. There’s a bump that’s 1.75″ at the widest part and presses into the G-spot while the tapered tip slides behind the cervix. There’s also a bullet cavity into which the user can insert a bullet vibe and make the whole thing vibrate.
Since I love deep penetration, the bump’s position perfectly thrusts to stimulate both erogenous zones in resonating split-time. When I pull, it presses into my G-spot, and when I push, it presses into my posterior fornix, all with just enough room for me to make the small thrusts my cervix likes. And when I orgasm and clench, it pushes the bump into my G-spot even more, making me come nonstop for a few minutes straight if I’m really in the mood.
You can embed practically anything you want in the clear silicone
As if the sexy shape wasn’t enough, the aesthetic color and pattern possibilities are endless. The particular Jollet I have has little rainbow pom-poms suspended in it for polka dots, but you could customize it with whatever you want. Just email Luz. You could put lavender and herbs in it. Dungeons and Dragons dice. Silk flowers. False eyelashes and glitter. Barbie hands. Confetti. Monopoly game pieces. Let that sink in.
(Pssst! You can get 15% off any LuzArte Products order, including totally customized Jollets, with coupon code SUPERSMASHCACHE.)
I still love the Jollies Jollet, and…
I wish I had known more about how to take care of clear silicone
2014 was a time when I was a lot more draconian about disinfecting my dildos, often using bleach solution. Bleach doesn’t affect the body-safe nature of clear/translucent silicone, but it can react and discolor it yellow. UV light from the sun can also yellow the silicone, as can dyes and fragrances in soaps.
The change is chemical, so you can’t really scrub it off. That was something that nobody ever told me when I started collecting sex toys, so it’s a bummer that my Jollet doesn’t look as immaculate as it used to.
To keep your clear silicone colorless, I suggest you use something gentle like Dr. Bronner’s unscented soap and, if you need to get it really clean, boil for 5 minutes. With proper care, clear silicone will stay clear.
I’m excited that Chavez Dezignz / Jollies is now back as LuzArte!
I have never been so excited to announce a discontinued product’s revival! The shop I got my Jollet dildo from closed shortly (but temporarily) after I bought it. Almost 4 years later, they’re back under a new name: LuzArte products. I have long anticipated the day that I could spread the gospel of the Jollet, and other people could experience just how glorious the G-spotting is!
If you like smooth silicone, girthy G-spotting, and rigid materials for cervix stimulation, the Jollies Jollet is for you! But which Jollet? Will it be a solid blue, or pink, or an easy-to-care-for black? Polka dots? Or an entirely unique creation?
The choice is yours, and you can get 15% off any of them. Just type SUPERSMASHCACHE in the coupon code field at LuzArteProducts.com
4 MyStim Sizzling Simon
Self-contained E-stim vibrator
This vibrator literally shocks the inside of my vagina
What makes the MyStim Sizzling Simon so unique is that it’s a vibrator that delivers electrical stimulation via built-in plates on either side.4 You don’t need to plug it into a separate unit, making it far less expensive than the alternatives. The shocks feel like something between tingling, prickling, and pulsing, depending on which setting I use.
The electrostimulation turns me the fuck on. It’s enough to make me come, but I can’t use the e-stim on this vibrator without wanting to pound my pussy hard.
I wouldn’t recommend this device for e-stim anywhere but your orifices, though. I find that the shocks are too temperamental that way. In the same vein, make sure you insert the device entirely before you turn on the e-stim.
Passive kegel exerciser
The kegel exercise settings’ electrical surges feel a lot deeper. This makes sense, considering they’re designed to penetrate into your pelvic floor muscles, instead of just cause sensation on the surface. My favorite way of using this setting is to passively kegel while reading.
I wouldn’t buy the Sizzling Simon or any of MyStim‘s self-contained e-stim vibrators just for the kegel settings, but I do see where they would be especially useful. For example, people with vaginas who have recently given birth would certainly benefit from kegels. However, some might struggle with isolating the pelvic floor muscles, and that’s where having an electrostimulation device can come in and show the user which muscles to squeeze.5
Moderately rumbly range of vibrations
MyStim’s vibrations are among my favorites.6 They’re not super rumbly, but they’re the right balance between robust and gentle for me. I can have powerful back-to-back orgasms for longer than with just about any other traditional vibrator I’ve tried. It’s not just that the MyStim vibrator can do that, but that it does it for me better.
To add more oomph, the MyStim vibrator has two motors: one in the shaft, and one in the tip. Between the two, there are at least 6 speed settings and 6 patterns of waves, pulses, and escalation. The throbbing rhythm of vibrations alternating between motors gives this vibrator a sense of movement, even when it’s stationary.
How do I feel about the MyStim Sizzling Simon now?
Crappy battery life
This vibrator would be my favorite if it could hold its battery life over time. Seriously, if I charge it all the way and don’t use it for three weeks, it won’t turn on after having been set aside. Even if it doesn’t touch anything metal. That’s how much the battery sucks, and I seriously don’t get it.
To be frank, 2014 me probably would have had it constantly tethered to the wall to ensure that it always has a charge, but 2018 me is pretty fucking lazy about recharging vibrators. I keep around the MyStim Sizzling Simon for internal use, but if I’m craving clitoral stimulation, I can at worst plug in the Eroscillator or pop a fresh battery into the rumbly Gaia Eco.
I’ve since learned that I like girthier, smoother toys
If I had to do it all over again, I’d absolutely still buy a MyStim vibrator, but instead, I’d get the Tickling Truman. At 1.7″, it was girthy enough to intimidate 2014 me, but I definitely think I could have taken it. I also really badly wanted to fit in with the “texture sluts” club back then, but by now, I’ve accepted that textured toys aren’t for me. The Tickling Truman would have filled me up better and been more suitable for thrusting.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I want to buy a Tickling Truman.
Some things never change; 4 years after I started collecting sex toys, I still haven’t reached a saturation point. I still want to explore more and not just try new toys, but also revisit what I liked about past toys to make my experiences even better, come harder, and scream louder.
- This may be an even better option than the Pure Wand, if you don’t wanna thrust a 1.5lb piece of metal
- Though I’m still actually not all that comfortable with letting it happen.
- With a long extension cord, we could have played Red Rover with it.
- Obviously, don’t use it if you have a pacemaker.
- My advice does not replace a doctor’s. If you’re having serious issues, your ob-gyn can help way more.
- Nothing tops my beloved Eroscillator’s oscillating action, though.